Eight Easy Steps To Being Pretentious

I'm updating my journal to say that I love Katie Wiley.

Will you gay-marry me?

You may think I care enough to take the time to do that.

I don't.

You may think I have some sick desire to halt your happiness.

I don't.

You may think I want to know everything you say and do.

I don't.

You may think I am malicious.

I'm not.

You misunderstand all I do.
I'm not even angry this time, just really disappointed in the whole affair.
I honestly was expecting a lot more out of you than this.

You know, I'm actually irked at myself for even taking the time to write a blog about you but it's about the only way I have a chance of you listening to the truth.

I just wanted to have a friendly time with you.
I'm sorry if that pissed you off, I really am.

I know better now.

Goodnight.

At first I thought I should be angry but then I realized that I'm not angry. I'm just sort of disappointed that you would jump to such conclusions. Yeah, I've made my fair share of mistakes but I am working in a better direction as I know you are as well. I'm not going to allow this to interfere in my life and will hope that an understanding will be reached eventually.

Goodnight, all.

Are you happy with who you are?
Can you be happy with who you've become?
You sit and ponder about the choices you've made,
wondering why you did what you did.

I could change who I am
I could be someone else
I may lose weight
I might change my hair

Will I be happy after all of this?
Will you be happy after all of the change?
So much can go wrong,
while so much goes right.

I'm never going to understand
I'll never figure out my life
The only sight I see when I look,
Is that of being alone.

It was late in the night when my body was hit with an urge to urinate. I got up from my chair and walked into the dark bathroom. I turned the light on and walked toward the toilet, only to be stopped by a horrible sight. In the bathtub was a huge cricket.

I'm scared of bugs, I'm scared of bugs with long legs, and I'm really scared of bugs that hop! I know this is pathetic but I had to pump myself up to take a broom to the cricket and kill it. I am a wuss, I admit it. Bugs scare me!

This is why I need to find a boyfriend.

I don't need a boy because I'm bored.
I don't need a boy because I'm horny.
I don't need a boy because I'm lonely.

I need a boy because I'm scared of bugs!

We were friends at one point, we were good friends. There was a time, not too long ago, that I referred to you as my best friend. I think it's fair to say that those days have reached an end. This end was reached by both of us working toward it in our own ways. You too aggressive, me too emotional, you too passive, and me too dishonest. I do hurt because of all the words and actions that have passed between us in the months. If I look at nothing but the present, I feel great. However, the moment I look back and see when we really were magnificent together, it stings. I know what went wrong but I don't understand how we let it happen. Why did we have to mess it all up like that?

No one will ever hear me say that I regret knowing you. Any sort of regret is focused purely on the negative actions we both have been guilty of. There are some things others may think I regret or should regret that I do not. I try my best to not regret things I do. So to make it clear, I only regret the hurtful things that were traded fairly.

I do sincerely hope one day we can see each other, hug, and catch up on the months that have passed. It could even be possible to go back to the way several things were. The way things were minus the negativity, minus the pain, minus the anger, and minus the lies.

On some level we both still care for each other and that's the way it should always stay.

If I don't see you again, I wish you the best.

School is starting and I could you could say that I am excited. It's a change to my normal routine and change usually helps remove me from any rut I've been in.

I'm still working at O'Charley's and as of now I don't see myself leaving any time soon even though it does stress me out a lot. I still enjoy it overall.

Now that school is starting I think it's time that I get back out a little more and try and find a date. I'm tired of being stuck inside a lot and I do sort of get lonely at times. I'll admit it...having a date would be a nice change.

There are some people in my life that I'm really confused and unsure about. I'm honestly not sure where I'm supposed to go from here in regards to those people. I am at odds with myself. My mind says do one things, my emotions say another, and my hormones say another. It's quite a pickle!

I've been sick since Tuesday...it sucks. I barely have a voice, my throat hurts, I'm weak, I'm coughing, everything hurts, and I'm just in a bad mood because of it.

I called in to work today for the first time because I just can't bring myself to working tonight. I know if I go in I'll end up crying because I get really stressed when I'm sick.

Aside from that my sex drive came back again and I haven't cashed my last 3 paychecks and I get a 4th one tomorrow.

Those aren't related but it's the only random information I have to add.

I wish I could cut my balls off.

I deleted the majority of the entries from the last couple of months. I've fucking had it with people's opinion on what I write about. Okay, I talk about Patrick in some of my entries. To make a point I went back and counted the entires that he is talked about. Since June 16th, he was mentioned 3 times out of 14 entries. You know what people, I talk about my other friends too! I talk about work, WoW, my mood, music, my family, etc. My life doesn't fucking revolve around Patrick. He is a sort of friend that I care for. I'm going to write about it just as I write about Dustin, my mom, or Jessica.

So everyone shut the fuck up. I am so pissed right now.

Hell, for fucks' sake, for over a month now I've had multiple crushes on different guys. You people really need to catch up on what's current in my life.

BIG NEWS! PATRICK ISN'T MY WORLD.


Now if you have a problem with this, tell me, otherwise everyone can shut the fuck up!

http://riotlounge.livejournal.com/1048215.html


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